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Dominic Cummings to take head of strategy role at LVMH

Handbags and ‘poo behemoth LVMH has offered Dominic Cummings a role as their new head of communications, brand development and strategy, according to made-up...

CMS hit by mass expulsions over ‘totally appropriate behaviour’ claims

Old-style bottle-stroking club, the Cabal of Misogynists and Sex Pests has seen the expulsion of six of its members. The resignations come on the...

Queen launches ‘Her Maj’ range of drinks

The House of Windsor has put itself on a collision course with the booze world by announcing that it is to launch an extensive...

Hard seltzer boom under threat from shocking #nothard revelations

A misguided ad campaign is threatening to bring down one of the most successful drinks categories of the last few years, with the shocking...

‘Middle-aged sock puppets’ to join supermarket’s drinks buying team

Pricefixer Supermarkets is advertising for three middle-aged drinks professionals, to ‘enhance brand specialist credibility’ and ‘leverage the customer perception interface’. According to the advert, the successful...

Italian police rush to shut down ‘non fake wine operation’

A police raid in Tuscany has uncovered a wine operation producing thousands of cases of entirely legal wine. Investigating officers showed off examples of the...

Shock find at Jerez dig proves that dinosaurs ‘invented sherry’

Historians and drinks experts are having to tear up their textbooks, following the discovery of a dinosaur skeleton holding a bottle of sherry. The find...

Rum celebrates 100 years as ‘next big thing’

Distillers, rum bars and makers of unpleasant ice cream the world over have been celebrating rum’s 100th anniversary as the Next Big Thing. The drink...

Must Read

Diageo results shanty ‘The Walkerman’ – live and exclusive!

It's the Q1 results briefing that reset the template. Play along. Sing along. Go crazy. With big thanks to Lee Isaacs - aka Wineman147 for...

Diageo breaks internet after releasing Q1 results as sea shanty

Diageo has become the first FTSE-100-listed company to have its financial results go viral, after the company released them in the form of a...

An urgent announcement from the Ministry of Brexit

With the people's republic of Brexitania having left the EU, the UK no longer has access to the full European alphabet and must now...

Drinks battle for share of the ‘vaccination occasion’

The fight against Covid might be well established, but new battle lines are being drawn up for drinks producers in the ‘leisure inoculation’ space....

New course to ‘help supermarket buyers tell shampoo from Chardonnay’

The team at the Further Education College for Alcoholic Learning (FECAL) have announced that they are to launch a new vocational course aimed entirely...