A Californian company has launched what it says is a revolutionary new way to enjoy drinks – by spraying them into your mouth from a pressurised aerosol.
Dank Flatley set up his Mist Opportunity company after spotting what he describes as an ‘inexplicable gap in the market’.
Full (ish) range
Flatley’s patented ‘Mouthspray’ system involves inserting small amounts of alcoholic drinks into cans at high pressure, from where they can be squirted out in what the company describes as ‘aroma clouds of gorgeousness.’
The range includes a comprehensive selection of wines, beers and spirits, with a few exceptions.
‘We didn’t bother with vodka, since you might as well just spray a plant mister into your mouth,’ Flatley told Fake Booze.
‘And we skipped Gewurtztraminer as well since you can get the same flavour effect far more cheaply with a dime store air-freshener.’
According to Flatley, each metered spray gives ‘100% tastebud immersion’ and negligible calories.
‘It’s all about delivering flavour with the lowest possible amount of alcohol,’ he told Fake Booze.
‘A lot like Gordons.’
Marketing experts have said that with such a high level of sanctimonious lifestyle bullshit built in it is ‘only a matter of time before Gwyneth Paltrow buys it up for her Goop range.’
The company says the drinks are designed to be used orally, though they can also be squirted up the nose ‘like snuff’.
Some influencers use the sprays as deodorants so they can ‘smell like a proper drinks writer’.
Others have used them as air-fresheners, though the team at Mist Opportunity don’t condone this.
‘If you squirt our Islay Malt aerosol around the place people might think your house is on fire,’ said Flatley.
‘While the natural wine version could make guests think you’ve a problem with your drains.’
The range has already proved popular with restaurants that rely on rinsing money out of rich idiots.
At Michelin-starred Lumbago restaurant in New York, sommelier Hugh Jextracost has used the sprays to create a ground-breaking new ‘vaping menu’ where customers get to sample each course with multiple different ‘aroma partners’.
‘It really opens our customers’ eyes to the way our staff can add value to the dining experience,’ he told Fake Booze.
‘Particularly when they get the final bill.’
You’re no fun!
However not everyone is a fan of the concept, with drinks journalist Boo Zhack describing the range as ‘joyless’.
‘I know I write a dozen articles a year talking about how the pleasure of drinks comes from thoughtfully savouring their flavours,’ she said
‘But you can’t deny that it’s a lot more fun to do that while also getting roaring drunk.
‘As far as I’m concerned, you can stick Mist Opportunity up your aerosol.’
Click here to read about the ‘Nez du Vigneron’ training range; and here to read why cans are, in fact, the devil’s spawn, not the future of wine