Apple moves into booze with launch of ‘amazing’ iSpirit

Apple iSpirit
Still pic: Yukonmanner, Wikicommons

Apple has made a bold move from tech into drinks with the launch of a ‘premium customer-facing 42% abv liquid lifestyle experience.’ 

The company’s head of marketing, Mac Bookair, said he hoped that the launch of the Apple iSpirit would encourage both bar and tech geeks to ‘Think Different’.

Sceptics, however, dismissed it as ‘basically just calvados – and bad grammar’.


The bar industry has been quick to raise concerns about the product’s mixability.

‘It’s a restrictive ecosystem,’ warned Maria Tia of the Skinned Frog in New York. ‘Nothing else will work with it. Once I buy one Apple product, I’ll have to restock my entire bar to be fully iSpirit compatible.’

But Pippin Cox of the Core Principles bar in Cupertino said the company had made mixology foolproof, telling Fake Booze ‘Provided you use only Apple ingredients, it’s completely intuitive. iSpirit just works.

‘Plus you can charge what the hell you like.’


The iSpirit is downpourable from iTunes, either in single shots, or as a full album, or “bottle”.

Currently, bottles are closed with a ‘sleek, interactive closurator’ – the iScrewU – that Apple says ‘revolutionises the concept of accessing alcohol.’

‘We know for many consumers taking the lid off the bottle is the most exciting part of the entire process,’ Bookair told Fake Booze. ‘Certainly we’ve put a lot more work into the aesthetics than we have into the liquid itself.’

Exciting updates

The iScrewU is removable only with a specially designed tool which Apple guarantees to change for no reason every six months, and which won’t be compatible with any previous versions.

‘We’ll constantly be updating,’ said Bookair. ‘We’re committed to always making the customer’s experience better.

‘And by ‘better’ of course, we mean ‘needlessly expensive’.’

Experts only

Reaction from within the drinks world was sceptical.

‘Apple have no business dabbling in an area they don’t know anything about,’ said Gary Barlow, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Kylie Minogue and Dan Akyroyd. ‘They should stick to what they do best.’

Meanwhile, a fax delivered by the Armagnac producers confederation said: “Will it work with my iPhone 3G” and “Eye what?”

Overpackaged and over here

Diageo’s brand exploration teams have also been casting a keen eye over the new product.

‘The iSpirit looks like a colossally expensive PR gimmick,’ said interchangeable corporate suit Fay Sless. ‘It’s an overpackaged example of marketing hype over substance with very little originality or soul.

‘We’ll be making a bid for it next week.’

Click here to read about Apple’s problems with its ‘smart glass’ technology.

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