Drinks battle for share of the ‘vaccination occasion’

Graphic: Rob 'jabber' Johnson

The fight against Covid might be well established, but new battle lines are being drawn up for drinks producers in the ‘leisure inoculation’ space.

Dai Early, of the Alcoholic Drinks Marketing Agency (ADMAN), says drinks companies are scrambling to carve out a share of the ‘Vaccination Occasion’.

‘The industry can make some serious coin here,’ Early told Fake Booze. ‘The public will want to celebrate on hearing that they’re getting a jab, then have a couple of drinks beforehand to calm their nerves.

‘And of course afterwards they’ll be drinking like it’s going out of style because they’ll think they’re invincible.’

Vax to the max!

Opinion is divided over whether alcohol limits the effectiveness of the Coronavirus vaccination, with scientists on one side and the drinks industry on the other.

‘It’s split about 95/5, which is far from conclusive,’ said Early. ‘I’d say that means brands can safely ignore what the prescription monkeys have to say.

‘It’s time to take the vax to the max!’

Ginoculation nation

Bomberay Gordricks gin launched it’s ‘ginoculation’ programme this week.

‘We’re telling people that just because someone is sticking a needle in your arm doesn’t mean you can’t have fun,’ said Bomberay’s Bea Feater.

The brand is dismissive of questions over whether alcohol might limit the vaccine’s effectiveness.

‘Gin has a proud history in combating lethal diseases,’ Feater told Fake Booze. ‘I mean, it single-handedly got rid of malaria in the 1800s, so it will probably make it more effective if anything.’

No to ‘jabstinence’

Champagne producers are positioning their fizz as the ‘perfect jab-peritif’, while German wineries claim that, far from negating the effects of the vaccine, the superior science of their vineyard mapping actually enhances its effectiveness by up to 30%.

‘Put simply, our wines are Vorsprung durch Terroir,’ said Fritz Krachers of the Germany Knows Best forum. ‘You cannot argue with science.

‘And if you try we will just ignore you.’

Producers of port, whisky and cognac are arguing that the ‘after-vax moment’ shouldn’t be forgotten either.

‘There’s nothing better to finish off a medical procedure than a nice LBV,’ said Taylor Symington of Quinta do Tweed. ‘It turns even a mundane inoculation into an occasion.’

Rules Britannia

Scientists have accused the drinks industry of ‘using a national health crisis to sell alcohol’. But the government is refusing to be drawn on the issue.

‘It isn’t our job to tell the population whether or not it’s safe to drink when they get vaccinated,’ said a government spokesman. ‘This is a free country. People should do what they want and we’re sure they’ll be fine.

‘Unless, of course, they catch Coronavirus and die because their vaccine didn’t work.

‘But that’s their lookout.

‘We can’t help it if people don’t follow the rules.’