Create your own vineyard pest in less than ten seconds!

With the drinks world returning to tedious normality – missing tastings, failing to respond to emails and pushing their grandmother under the bus for an extra one percent of market share – we at Fake Booze figured that everyone could do with a little cheering up.

And, during a particularly dull conversation about sustainability, the answer came to us. Why not CREATE YOUR OWN VINEYARD PEST?

It’s so easy even journalists can (probably) do it.  

All you have to do is roll a dice four times to give you a word from each column and voila. Your very own insectoid nemesis ready to unleash hell on the world. Frankly, it’s the least it deserves.

Now tell us about your creations on Twitter. We’d love to see what comes up. By our reckoning, there should be about 1200 possible randomly-created vineyard pests out there. If you want to add in your insect’s devastating destructive super power, feel free!

And if you can draw, why not sketch your beastie and send it to us on social meeju using #fakeboozepests or email – [email protected]. We’d have a go ourselves, but Fake Booze’s artistic skills are worse than its writing. Yes. That bad.

Click here to find out why France’s wine growers could be extinct in 20 years’ time; and here to read about how California’s growers battled an infestation of zombies