Social distancing and the impending collapse of the global economy might have taken the edge off your celebrations for the 75th anniversary of VE day earlier this year.
But don’t worry, because the world’s drinks producers have submitted applications for a raft of commemorative days of their own.
Here’s a roundup of what’s been put forward, and Fake Booze’s take on whether they’re likely to happen.
- VA Day – Put forward by producers of Amarone, everyone gets to sit around and sniff nail varnish until their nose hairs catch fire. A long shot. Likelihood: 3/10
- VJ Day – Victory of Juniper Day. Suggested by the gin producers to celebrate the final capitulation of the hated vodka aggressor. Every day is already VJ Day so approval is unlikely. 4/10
- VS Day – The number of brandy drinkers left alive is dwindling every year, so a day drinking crap cognac and soda to commemorate their noble sacrifice is overdue. Probable. 8/10
- TCA Day – A celebration of tree bark. Cork hats for the kids, cork jewellery for the folks and a chance to crown your neighbourhood’s ‘mould queen’. Riotously fetid fun. A dead cert. 10/10
- IPA Day – Drink suicidally high IBU brews until you fall over or your gums recede into your skull from hop overload. Approval likely. 7/10
- TA Day – aka the Lodi wine festival. Start with a vat of 18% abv grape syrup and tip in bags of tartaric until it’s almost drinkable. Fun for all the family. Apart from the drinking bit. Fifty-fifty. 5/10