Hollywood studio Tame Winer has announced that it is to make a horror film set in the ‘parallel universe of wine Twitter’.
‘Journalists Vs Influencers’ is due to begin shooting early next year, provided any of the main players are still standing by then after constantly ripping each other to bits on social media.
‘I’ve been following Wine Twitter for years,’ said director Quentin Sagrantino, ‘and I’ve always felt it was the perfect setting for a really good schlock horror film.’
The suet-faced slasher-king described the drinks social media universe as ‘a lot like most of my films only with more violence, less humour and an even more tenuous grasp of reality.’
Bring it on
Film buffs are already nicknaming the project ‘Stale-ians Vs PR-Editor’.
But both Journalistas and Influati welcomed the news of the scripted face-off.
‘I can’t wait to go head to head with these morally bankrupt, pretty-faced, moisturising millennials,’ said Wynn Write-Air, who has a column in his local paper and 12 followers on Twitter.
‘Barging into our wine world with their laughing and their low-cut tops – they wouldn’t know a good wine if they fell over it.
‘Which since they spend their whole life gurning at a camera is highly possible.’
Influencers, he said, would ‘recommend anything if they’ve been paid and it has a nice label.’
Want some, do ya?
However, Ian Stagram, who posts as @BrianEnophile said critics needed to wake up and smell the heart emojis.
‘They used to moan about Parker, now they moan about us,’ he told Fake Booze. ‘Basically they are critical of anyone who’s more successful than them.
‘Which means everyone.’
You and who’s army?
As for taking money for content, Stagram said that critics were simply jealous.
‘They don’t get offered money because they have no readers,’ he said. ‘A T-Rex would have a wider reach – and probably a better video technique.’
Most critics, he said, ‘have the screen presence of a dyspeptic warthog.’
All friends here
As the war of words over Journalists Vs Influencers threatened to spiral out of control, some in the industry rushed to calm things down.
‘This is really a big fuss over nothing,’ said Pollyanna All-Ffyne of the Drinks Reportage Conciliation service (DRC).
‘Aside from the fact that influencers aren’t critical and critics don’t influence, drinks communication is as good as it’s ever been.’
Film critics have raised their own concerns that audiences could confuse the movie with the original Alien Vs Predator franchise.
But Sagrantino said that the public should have no problem telling them apart.
‘One’s a film about odd scaly creatures spitting acid and semi-human creations lashing out at random,’ he told Fake Booze.
‘And the other is Alien Vs Predator.’
Click here to discover the 100 Least Uninfluential People in Wine, and here to discover how a tech giant’s plan to use Wine Twitter to create a brand ended in disaster.