Following the global clamour for Queen Elizabeth’s platinum jubilee champagne coupes, glass behemoth’s Riedel have elected to tastefully cash in with a similarly themed range of their own.
Andy for celebrations
The original commemorative QE2 ‘champagne saucers’ are believed to have been modelled on the shape of Megan Markle’s left breast, with the queen saying they were a ‘reminder of a happier time when all I had to worry about was a bolshy grandson and an irritating Yank’.
They’re described on the royal website as ‘perfect for toasting momentous occasions’ such as the bogging down of an embarrassing trial in legal technicalities or an against-the-odds royal acquittal.
The champagne glass gift-packs sold out in days, and Riedel said that even their famously mercantile hearts had been touched.
‘It was lovely to see the monarch’s long-standing sense of duty and gravitas rewarded in this way,’ said Smeagal Riedel.
‘Commemorating something expensive, ornate and unnecessary by selling something expensive, ornate and unnecessary brought tears of jealousy to our eyes.’
Riedel ‘World Figures’ range
Inspired by being able to charge £120 for a pair of bog-standard champagne coupes simply by putting on a bit of commemorative etching, Riedel has announced that it is to launch its own World Figure range of glasses.
- Boris Johnson ‘Who me?’ range – black glasses that allow you to lie about what is in your glass, if anything. Or even whether you are holding a glass at all.
- Joe Biden Antique Stemware – ancient, dangerously frail and largely ornamental.
- Vladimir Putin shot glass – so called because anyone who doesn’t buy a set is shot.
- Jacob Rees Mogg ‘Pomp and circumstance’ decanter – a 200 year throwback that has literally no discernible use at all.
- Xi Jin Ping ‘Hong Kong’ range – commemorative baiju cups that allow for easy absorption of the contents before being discarded and crushed.
- Grant Schnapps ‘shapps set’ – contains next to nothing, but very lightweight and endlessly recyclable.
- Donald Trump ‘agent orange’ set – brightly coloured, large and crude. Designed for all whines.
- Nadine Dorries ‘through a glass dimly’ range – extra thick for holding large numbers of ill-informed opinions.
Riedel is also considering producing a Theresa ‘Wake up and Smell the Coffey’ Mug, though Smeagal Riedel admitted this would be a new venture.
‘We don’t really deal in mugs,’ he told Fake Booze.
‘Apart from the idiots who pay fortunes for our glasses.’
Click here to read about the royal family’s range of drinks