Riedel has upped the ante in the thrill-a-minute world of stemware with its new creation: the Mega-Glass.
Billed as the largest glass in commercial production today the company says it is ‘practical, characterful, and the most elegant way to drink a colossal amount of wine without anyone realising’.
Responsible over-drinking
‘With our new Mega-Glass, you can pour in a couple of bottles at the start of the night and just keep going, which makes you look calm and controlled,’ said Smiegel Riedel.
‘Because you’re not constantly refilling, people will have no idea that you’ve drunk your bodyweight in booze until you fall over and can’t get up.’
Social commentators have said it’s ‘perfect for the 21st century, which is all about appearing to live responsibly while still drinking enough to numb the pain of modern existence.’
‘People always talk about drowning their sorrows,’ said ‘drinkfluencer’ @Shomi_Sumcash. ‘And with so many more sorrows about now than ten years ago, it makes sense that we need a bigger glass to drown them in.’
Durable
However, not everyone is impressed. One anonymous critic on Twitter, @ZaltoCEO, described the Mega-Glass as a ‘cross between a goldfish bowl and a water butt.’
But Riedel said it had been ‘carefully designed to blend elegance with functionality – though admittedly significantly more of the latter than the former.’
Made out of a hardwearing combination of crystal and ego, Riedel claims the Mega-Glass can be safely cleaned in most household dishwashers ‘provided you don’t want to fit anything else in at the same time’.
Somm-approved
Riedel says that it has received huge orders from doctors all around the world because ‘for once they will be able to look their patients in the eye and tell them in all honesty that they only drink one glass of wine a night’.
The Mega-Glass has also been welcomed by the Association of Stressed Sommeliers in Hospitality and Leisure (ASSHOLE).
‘At a time when qualified somms are rarer than snow leopards, this will really help to take pressure off our members,’ said ASSHOLE’s Cora Vin. ‘They can pour the entire wine serve for a table at the start of the night then ignore them for the rest of their visit.
‘Much like they do now.’
Mega-swirl
Although the ability to hold a huge volume is part of the Mega-Glass’s appeal, Riedel has pointed out that it also allows normal serves of wine to be ‘swirled at a never-before seen velocity’.
‘This will release absolutely all of the flavours of what’s in your glass,’ said a spokesman.
‘So while it’s good news if you’re drinking Barolo, we’d advise against using it for natural wine.’
Maxing out
With production already struggling to keep up with demand, Riedel has told Fake Booze that it is planning to produce a Mega-Glass Max next year for ‘more dedicated drinkers’.
‘While the Mega-Glass is for people who want to at least give the impression of holding it together, the Max is for anyone who’s essentially given up on life,’ said Smiegel Riedel.
‘We’re thinking journalists, sherry producers and anyone with a subscription to Wine Spectator.’
Click here to read about Fake Booze’s own ‘Cachinne Collection’ of glassware, and here to read why people who hold their glass by the bowl will face deportation.
