‘We built this whisky on sausage rolls…’ says Ballbaggie

sausage roll
pic: Storye Book, Wiki Commons

Ballbaggie distillery has ushered in a bold new take on the fad of food-themed whiskies with its latest Sausage Roll single malt.

Carb loathing

‘Every other bugger with a still seems to be making whiskies that they say taste of cake and pastries,’ said head distiller Pete Smoke. ‘But they’re all based on flavours of home baking and poncey French patisseries, which as we know, real people don’t eat.’

According to Smoke, the new scotch captures ‘the full sausage roll journey – from craving to bingeing to self-loathing’ and is ‘far more authentically Scottish.

‘Particularly the self-loathing.’

It could be worse

Inspiration for the Sausage Roll scotch came from the distillery’s famous ‘spittoon-free’ policy on tastings.

‘We’d had a heavy tasting session the day before with some journalists,’ said Smoke. ‘The next day the team and I were getting ourselves back to full fitness with a healthy meat-and-pastry centred breakfast from the local bakers, and we thought “wouldn’t it be great to capture these flavours in whisky form”?

‘And it could hardly be worse as a concept than Cardhu Blended Malt.’

Mystery process

According to Ballbaggie, the sausage roll whisky has been ‘lovingly crafted using a top secret process and expert blendings of dozens of carefully-selected barrels’ in order to mirror the snack’s key flavours.

But sources in the Highlands have told Fake Booze that the distillery just ‘chucked a load of unsold bridies into the mash tun’.

Health campaigners have expressed reservations about a back label which claims the drink is ‘a great way to recover from one big night while also preparing yourself for the next.’

Ballbaggie, however, say that their new creation is ‘largely vegan’ and that they are ‘all about responsibility – to our shareholders, at least.’

Starts and finishes

Early market testing amongst the public has been strong, particularly among the carbohydrate addicted, and Ballbaggie are considering a series of line extensions to cover other classic Scottish cuisine such as macaroni pies, deep fried pizza and pakora supper.

An ultra-premium ‘Tattie Scone blend’ is being planned for the lucrative gifting market, while the distillery already have a series of limited edition ‘sauce finishes’ for the Sausage Roll scotch ageing in their warehouse.

‘Broon sauce will probably be the most popular,’ said Smoke. ‘With ketchup more for the US market.’ The mustard finish, he conceded, was ‘quite niched and largely undrinkable.

‘Though that shouldn’t bother most collectors who just buy them to look at.’

Celebration of scotch

‘This whole project captures so much of what makes the scotch industry great,’ said whisky writer Dave Brush. ‘Crap food, over-optimistic pricing and an absolute commitment to leaping on any gimmick that might make money, no matter how ridiculous.’

A source in the whisky world has told Fake Booze that Brora have almost completed an upmarket junk food competitor.

The 12 bottles in the ‘Prime venison burger’ range will sell for £1.2m each, and demand is expected to be ‘inexplicably strong’.

Click here to read about Brora’s entry into the crucial ‘sub £30k price bracket’; and if you want to find out whether or not you are a whisky twat click here.