First ‘Social Media wine brand’ hailed with handclap emojis

social media
Social media pic: Piqsels

The launch of a range of wines branded to match social media sites has gone down well in the digiverse, with the concept receiving mostly ‘handclaps’ and ‘flames’. Though some reacted with ‘angry faces’ and there was one ‘being sick’.

Finely targeted

Importer and distributor Retailing Online Through Falsehoods Ltd (ROTFL) said the wines were created to specifically target the user profiles of each of the world’s major social media platforms.

‘The Facebook range captures a reassuring blend of the dull and apocalyptic,’ said a ROTFL spokesperson. ‘It includes a Sauvignon Blanc that’s certified 5G-free and comes wrapped in tin foil. That way Bill Gates can’t tell when you’re drinking it.

‘We also have a ‘clean’ Malbec that’s perfect for a girls’ night in with other 40-something mums who think Hillary Clinton’s a lizard.’

Everybody’s talkin’

Predictably the Twitter range received mixed reviews. They included the Subtweet red made by ‘him… you know that guy… well I’m not going to give him the satisfaction’ and Mute white which is currently unavailable online.

ROTFL said the entire range would be made sulphur-free and come with wax capsules ‘because let’s face it… free publicity’. 

In terms of consumer profiling ROTFL said the Twitter range seemed to have gone down best with the public.

The company said it has started working on extending the range with ‘Straw Man’, ‘Blocked’, and ‘That’s Just Your Opinion’ – a wine that may or may not have gone through malo.

Demystify me

The Instagram range was the most keenly anticipated of the day, with ‘Ad’, ‘Spon’, and ‘Gifted’ launched at a flower-strewn dinner with their own hashtag.

‘These are going to demystify wine and strip out all the snobbery, making the category accessible to everyone,’ repeated every single guest as they tucked into their five-course dinner at the exclusive invitation-only event in a private members’ club in Pall Mall. 

Tasting notes for the wines ranged from 500 word ramblings that claimed they were ‘suffused with the spirit of an Ibiza sunset’ to four consecutive lines of applause emojis.

Perfect fit

Asked about future plans ROTFL revealed they are hoping to spread the concept internationally, starting with Chinese Weibo ranges called Renfolds and Domainee Country.

Social media magnate Stark Fuckermorgue described the ranges as ‘cynical, exploitative and irresponsible.

‘In fact they’re absolutely brilliant. I just wish we’d thought of them first.’

Click here to read about the Enfant Terrible Co’s defence of its misogynist wine range; and here to find out whether you’re an ‘idle imbiber’ or a ‘Chablis shagger’

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