Australia’s wineries issue writ against God

Australia’s wine producers have become the first industry anywhere to issue a writ against God.

‘He’s been guilty of anti-social behaviour for a while,’ said Lee Majors of Dingo’s Dongle winery. ‘We have been turning a blind eye to all the low-level “snakes and spiders and droughts” and stuff for a long time. But this year we just think he’s gone too far.

‘Frankly, God is taking the piss.’

According to Majors, over the last 12 months, God has carried out a sustained campaign of harassment featuring hailstones, floods, bushfires and a killer virus that’s made life intolerable for the wine industry.

‘This God guy is totally out of order,’ said Majors. ‘Our vines are stumps, yields are pathetic – and Covid was the final straw.

‘There’s only room for one thing round here that’s noxious, unpleasant and possibly fatal, and that’s our Sauvignon Blanc.’

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