Bollinger Bond cuvée licensed to make a killing

Bollinger Bond
Bond pic: ClaraDon, Flickr

News that Bollinger has launched a limited edition James Bond-themed Cuvée 007 has been greeted with delight by serious lovers of champagne everywhere.

‘This proves just what we’ve always said about the category,’ said Pierre Sur-Lattes of the Bureau de Bulles de Champagne (BBC). ‘That this is a region with the utmost respect for terroir, finesse and tradition.

‘But above all for marketing.’

Great fit

‘Associating our brand with Bond is a perfect fit,’ said Bollinger’s chef de cave Danée Grand. ‘Just like Bond films, fans wait for our launches with baited breath.

‘Plus we’re rich, old and worth a fortune.’

Though he admitted that there was, ‘slightly less wood in our cellars than in Daniel Craig’s acting.’

Gaston Martin

The Covid 007 features a bottle of Bollinger nv with the 007 logo on the foil. Even more excitingly, the bottle is packaged in a cardboard box showing a picture of the spy with his famous Aston Martin.

Packaging experts have described putting a picture of a man and a car on some cardboard as ‘iconic’, ‘seminal’ and ‘lots of other tired clichés’.

Simon Paper-Cutte, expert in covering up bottles with stuff, said the launch was ‘a brilliant way of making your recycling more expensive and also impressing people who need to get out more.’

Bollinger, however, were quick to point out that the car ‘isn’t real’ and ‘can’t actually be driven.’

‘James Bond might be licensed to chase bad guys at high speed,’ said Danée Grand. ‘But we’re just chasing money.’

The Profit is Not Enough

No Time to Die is the 150th Bond film, but its launch has been severely hampered by Covid. Just like sales of Champagne.

Previous Bollinger/Bond tie-ups include Dosage Another Day, Lees and Let Die, Octobouzy, The Brand With The Golden Foil, GoldenAy, Chutzpah Never Dies, You Only Ferment Twice and Thunderbolli.

On set

‘With this special launch, Bollinger lovers really can feel as though they’re part of an actual Bond film,’ said Milka Franchise, secretary of the 007 Appreciation Society.

‘And with the implausible ideas, boring characters, huge budgets and unnecessarily massive expenditure it’ll be just like being back in Champagne.’

Read here to read about Dom Perignon’s affair with Lady Gaga.

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