It’s official, Bordeaux is a better investment than a handbag

Pics from Pixabay

A fine wine ‘gold rush’ is being predicted, following the revelation that Bordeaux has been the world’s best performing luxury asset during Covid. The region’s top chateaux have gone up in value more than cars, art or fashion over the last 12 months, according to consultants who should probably get a real job.

Tout va bien

‘It’s so reassuring that people who are wealthy enough to be able to buy ridiculously expensive wines in the first place have managed to keep on getting richer even as the world goes to hell in a handcart,’ said Rolland Certan of the Bordeaux Aristocratic Chateaux Owners Fraternity (BACOF).

Blue chip wine merchant Barely, Bothers and Crudd said the findings were ‘proof that the important things in life are still working fine’. A spokesman went on to describe the apparent link between Covid infections and Bordeaux auction prices as ‘heartening’.

Monsieur Certan added that the increased interest in Bordeaux from clueless dilettantes would ‘almost certainly mean higher prices at next year’s en primeurs.

‘Though to be fair we say that every year about this time.’

Je suis content

Other French producers were equally happy.

‘This just goes to show what we have known in France for centuries,’ said Wyn Lake of the Inondation de Pisse co-op in the south of France, ‘that our wine is an inherently superior product with far more class than handbags, sports cars or Scotch.’

Monsieur Lake said he was hoping that the boost from the story would allow him to push the average price of his members’ 3.5bn litres of Pays d’Oc above 1 Euro/bottle for the first time ever.

Mieux que Barolo

Pan Creatitis of the fine wine trading platform Ex-Liver said that she wasn’t surprised by the findings, because Bordeaux stocks have been consistent performers for a long time.

‘They tend to do the business year after year,’ she told Fake Booze.

‘They’ve been a lot less volatile than Italian wines, for instance.

‘Particularly on the nose.’

Mais attention!

Wine investment brokers Morgon Sur-Lie said they were bracing themselves for a rush of investors, keen to cash in on what they saw as a sure thing.

However they were quick to warn newcomers that ‘as with all investments – they may get back far less than they put in.

‘Especially if they’re buying an actual winery.’

Sécurité et consumabilité

Ms Creatitis, however, was more sanguine about putting money into wine.

‘The great thing about investing in Bordeaux is that if things go badly you can always drink your stock,’ she told Fake Booze. ‘That makes it very different to a Hermes accessory.

‘After all, one’s dried out chewy and leathery, and the other is a handbag.’

Click here to read about Chateau Ausone and Cheval Blanc’s ‘Stexit’; or here to read about how a big house got sold by one rich family to someone else who isn’t exactly poor either

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