Cardboard bottles ‘essential for the proles’ says trade

Pic: pxhere and png.hut

The wine trade has called on the government to encourage the use of lightweight cardboard bottles. At least for wines that it has no intention of drinking itself.


The trade pointed out its concerns in an impassioned letter to government officials.

‘The unnecessary practice of shipping heavy glass bottles around the world is responsible for pumping millions of tonnes of CO2 into the atmosphere every year,’ they wrote.

‘Though admittedly the numbers fall significantly once you take Argentinian Malbec out of the equation.’


The letter suggests that the industry’s carbon footprint could be ‘significantly reduced’ by replacing glass bottles with cardboard for any wines that the trade couldn’t give less of a shit about.

These are typically stocked on the bottom two shelves of a supermarket or featuring an animal on the label.

‘We believe that this will work on three levels,’ said Wayne McKitty.

‘Firstly, they’re a lot less energy-intensive to produce, secondly they’re a lot lighter to transport.

‘And thirdly, they’ll reduce the overall number of shipping journeys since they won’t need replacing because nobody will buy them.’


Illogically expensive bottles, such as top Bordeaux, ego-certified Tuscan wines and anything from the UK would continue to be packaged in traditional glass.

McKitty told Fake Booze that the trade were right behind the proposals because their own drinking habits would be unaffected, and ‘since the public have proved themselves completely resistant to any form of drinks education, they pretty much deserve what they get anyway.’

Lobbying vigorously for light but unpleasant bottles, he added, would go some way towards offsetting all of the ‘eco-unfriendly but essential’ elements of the industry, such as long-haul trips in the middle of winter and having hundreds of samples couriered to their door a bottle at a time.

Lower emissions

Drinks writer Francis Jobbinson agreed.

‘The drinks world needs to commit to lowering its emissions,’ she told Fake Booze. ‘Particularly when it comes to packaging.

‘So I’m pleased to announce that from now on I won’t be talking about this matter anymore.’

Even lowerer emissions

However, not everyone was impressed.

Fake Booze ran into John Public outside its local Pricefixer supermarket.

‘If they want to cut back on harmful emissions they don’t need to start messing about with my nice glass bottles,’ he said.

‘They could just get Anal Musk to shut down wine Twitter.’

Read how the carbon footprint solution isn’t lighter bottles, but more lightweight critics here

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