Champagne’s governing body has given the go-ahead to plans for a giant boating lake filled with surplus sparkling wine.
The radical proposal is a response to a huge fall in Champagne sales over the last year, which has left the region’s producers sitting on tens of millions of litres of unwanted pop.
‘Lac de Bulles’
Architects say the lake, which measures 200m x 100m will not take long to excavate, since construction will be based around a large hole outside Reims where the region’s soul, compassion and humanity used to be.
The ‘Lac de Bulles’ will allow swimming, sailing, posing, posturing and being condescending – all of which are hugely popular in the region.
Visitors will also be able to hire ‘Cham-pedalos’.
‘You pedal like crazy and go hardly anywhere!’ laughed Emile Chandon-Lanson of Champagne Salope. ‘They are a perfect metaphor for the drinks industry!’
The lake is to be split into two parts. As well as a ‘public’ area, filled with ordinary Champagne, there will be a smaller ‘piscine privilégiée’ stocked with premier cru wine, for ‘more refined paddlers’.
However, plans for a Grand Cru whirlpool bath – a so-called ‘grand cruzzi’ – have been shelved following concerns that it might ‘devalue the drink’s prestige image.’
Losing its sparkle?
Some critics have said that the champagne lake will cost a fortune to build, will quickly lose its bubbles, and will see its liquid drain away in a matter of months.
But Chandon-Lanson says they are missing the point.
‘Overpriced, flat and slowly disappearing,’ he told Fake Booze, ‘It’s a perfect representation of Champagne in 2021!’
Read about Champagne’s recent Route des Douches Dorees initiative here