Bordeaux watchers have been stunned by news that a wealthy family has sold some posh vineyards to someone else with lots of money.
Chateau Lafon-Allthewaytothebanque was bought today by the businessman Jacky Lotsareddies from the Testosterone family.
The shock deal has been described as ‘the biggest since the last one that happened in the region’ and ‘a huge story because it includes the word Bordeaux.’
While the exact sale price has been controversially kept hidden, experts are already estimating the figure to be somewhere between ‘quite a bit’ and ‘shit loads’.
‘Make no mistake, this is a life-changing amount of money,’ said financial expert Shaw Tse Ling.
‘Or it would be were it not for the fact that the Testosterone family are already minted.’
Bordeaux commentator Lynne Szbages said the figures involved were hard to believe – mainly because everyone was making them up.
‘We’re hearing anything from 100 million to 50 basquillion Euros, depending on who’s asking,’ she told Fake Booze.
Commentators, she said, usually added on a few more zeroes for the Chinese and American media ‘because they like that kind of thing and pay better.’
While admitting that exact numbers were ‘hard to come by’, Ms Szbages said that she was 100% able to reveal that the chateaux’ walls were ‘a bright yellow colour’ and ‘in St Estephe’.
The facts, she said, had been corroborated by ‘a large search engine’.
With the tremors already being felt across the Médoc, Fake Booze has unearthed the following incredible revelations about the shock sale.
The family will keep making quite expensive wine somewhere else in Bordeaux and selling it. But not at Chateau Lafon-Allthewaytothebanque, which they have now sold.
The businessman, who already owns several Bordeaux properties, will keep making wine at those properties. But also now at Chateau Lafon-Allthewaytothebanque, which he now owns.
Since the sale, rumours have been flying around that the new owner might plant the vineyards with carrots, turn it into a Covid-themed leisure park, or donate the chateau to Carmelite nuns. Something which seasoned Bordeaux watchers say is entirely possible.
‘That’s totally not going to happen,’ said Dermot Itis of the Association of Chateaux, Negotiants, and Exporters (ACNE) in an explosive interview with Fake Booze. ‘We expect it to keep on growing Cabernet and Merlot and then selling it to people who quite like that sort of thing. Just like it has for 200 years.’
‘See?’ said Lynne Szbages. ‘Everyone agrees. This is a once in a lifetime event that could change the face of Bordeaux for ever.’
Click here to find out why the press hailed 2021 Bordeaux as a ‘great vintage for journalism’.