Fake Booze has been awarded a top honour in the Made Up Drinks Story Awards (aka ‘the Muddies’), held, with no significance at all, at one minute past midnight on April 1st.
The announcement was released today, on April 1st, to coincide with thousands of other thoroughly lame stories in the world’s press and websites about fictional legislation, implausible product launches and people with stupid names.
‘Other publications might dip into this made-up world once a year,’ said chairman of the Awards, April Fool, ‘but only Fake Booze makes an effort to churn out utter horseshit 365 days a year.’
Judges were impressed with the quantity of its output and said that the quality too was ‘occasionally quite good.’
‘In defiance of all business logic, Fake Booze remains free to anyone who’s too tight to support it,’ said Ms Fool.
‘And for people who don’t pay we think it just about delivers value for money.’
According to the Global Union of Journalists the Muddies are more important than they have ever been.
‘Journalism has really been under threat over the last few years,’ said the GUJ’s Ink Slinger.
‘Partly because in most publications it’s all-but impossible to separate news from advertorial, but also because much of the actual news is so inherently ridiculous.’
The panel described the 21st century drinks media universe as a ‘dark place’, citing Gary Barlow launching a range of wine, whisky selling for £35,000 a bottle and people talking about clean wine with a straight face as examples of ‘stories being increasingly unpalatable. Often literally’.
‘In a world where reality is largely implausible,’ said Slinger, ‘it makes complete sense that you can only find the truth on a website where everything is 100% made-up.’
Beacon of truth
Handing out the award at a non-existent ceremony in the early hours of the morning, uber-journalist Frances Jobbinson described Fake Booze as a ‘beacon of truth in a sea of lies’, a ‘worthy winner’ and ‘something I’ve never read because it’s funny’.