Lockdown cocktails have ‘killed bartending forever’

The art of finely crafting cocktails has been wiped out by the coronavirus as if it was an 80 year old diabetic with emphysema, according to a top bartender.

Oh sure, you looked all sophisticated then

Pre Coronavirus, Ron Anejo used to run the celebrated Red Hobbit bar in Manhattan. Then he spent 23 hours a day in a broom cupboard in Queens. Now he fears his career might be over.

‘Before Covid came on the scene people flocked from far and wide to come to my bar, so my well-trained staff could serve drinks we’d taken years perfecting,’ he told Fake-Booze. ‘But now they totally don’t give a shit.

‘When lockdown first started people were making proper drinks, but as time went on and supplies started to run low they just started mixing any old crap from the back of their drinks cupboard in a shaker, throwing in some ice and drinking it.’

As a result, instead of orders for Negronis, dirty Martinis and Sweet Manhattans, Anejo says most of his customers are now happy with Curacao and lemonade, Jack and Coke or snakebite.

‘I’ve even served a drink that’s equal parts Midori, Baileys and peach schnapps,’ he said with a shudder. ‘There’s no way back from that. It’s cocktail armageddon.’

The findings were backed up by researchers at the University of Absinthe in Marseilles. ‘Fundamentally, people were only ever interested in the alcohol,’ said one. ‘All that ‘taste’ stuff was just to make them look good, and we think the majority of drinkers are probably happier where they are now.

‘The days of the 30-Euro Martini are over my friend.’

No posts to display