London Wine to take place in Dusseldorf from now on, say Germans

Pic: Micovich, Wikimedia Commons

The organisers of Prowein have announced that this year’s London Wine Fair is to move ‘just down the road’ to Dusseldorf.


The move has been heralded as ‘exciting’ by the German organisers and ‘baffling’ by everybody else.

‘Covid meant that we had to move from our usual date in March,’ explained director of Prowein, Vicius Klasch.

‘And incredibly, out of the remaining nine months of the year, the only one that was available coincided exactly with the same week that London Wine Fair has taken place for the last 40 years.

‘I know. What are the odds?’


The UK organisers issued a statement saying that the decision to host a large competitor event on the same dates as theirs was ‘predatory’, ‘aggressive’ and ‘a direct attack’ which they ‘planned to fight on the beaches’.

The Germans, however, said that they were just trying to ‘get Prowein done’ and that both fairs could continue to exist provided the two teams worked together.

‘We are happy to give London the use of the name ‘Prowein’,’ said Herr Klasch. ‘All we want in exchange are their visitors and exhibitors.’


The team in Dusseldorf have denied that holding two fairs at once is damaging to an industry hit hard by the ravages of Coronavirus.

‘The important thing is that people still have a choice,’ said Klasch.

‘Between a slick modern show in a purpose-built, air-conditioned space at the heart of Europe and a row of trestle tables inside a Georgian greenhouse in the Brexit Republic of Covidia.’

A spokesman for London Wine Fair said this was ‘complete nonsense’ and that ‘Olympia is Victorian.’


‘A lot of exhibitions companies are under real financial pressure,’ said Events consultant Chelle Scheme.

‘So it’s lovely to see a big organisation like Prowein refusing to stab a competitor in the back – and stabbing it in the front instead.’

The events world, she said, was ‘one big happy family – just like in Succession.’

The Prowein team said they had ‘immense respect’ for London Wine Fair, which is why they wanted to ‘respectfully shit on it from a great height’.

Calling Frau Küntz

Fake Booze arranged an interview with the Director of London Wine to record her reaction but struggled to get past a peculiar screaming-like static on the line.

However, it sounded like the dates had been chosen by a Herr Bastard or Frau Küntz from the Wankherz office that they shared with Bunchov-Focken Aerosols.

For more examples of bullying, click here to discover how the wine trade discriminates against posh white men

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