Rapper Megan Thee Stallion, famous for her earthy lyrics and raunchy dance routines, is ready to launch the world’s first ‘dirty wine’, it has been claimed.
Languedoc grower Ines Plicable says that she has been approached by the singer to provide an ‘antidote to all that WASPy clean wine shit’ and supply her with grapes that have been ‘pesticided to hell in the vineyard, and sulphured to within an inch of their life in the winery.’
‘She wanted the wine to be really filthy,’ the grower told Fake Booze, ‘but this wasn’t too hard – it’s basically what everyone’s been doing here for most of the last 50 years.’
The Houston songstrel visited Ms Plicable’s vineyard earlier this year and approvingly described it as ‘looking like a nuclear fallout site’.
‘Apart from vines the whole place is bereft of life,’ says Plicable. ‘So it was perfect’.
The range, which is being positioned as ‘a massive fuck you to the clean-living brigade, and also good with pasta’ will initially feature just two wines, a white and a red.
The white wine will carry the same name as the rapper’s famous summer hit WAP (a romantic ballad which Fake Booze believes stands for Wet Ass Pussy) only here standing for White Ass Picpoul. The red will be called RAP – Red Ass Pinot.
Cameron Diaz, who recently added a red to her ‘clean wine’, Avaline, has yet to comment on the ‘dirty’ rival.
Zero percent rigour
Within half a second of Fake Booze breaking this entirely fictional story wine Twitter was already working itself into a frenzy, with supporters of both clean wine and natural wine lining up to condemn the new range.
‘What does “dirty wine” even mean?’ said both sides. ‘It’s a meaningless term with no rigour. Not like our wines, which have clearly delineated rules that are strictly adhered to. Oh…’
A spokeswoman for Ms Stallion said that if people didn’t like WAP and RAP they could go and ‘park that big Mack truck right in this little garage.’