News that a large French producer is to launch an ‘icon Picpoul’ has caused critics, journalists and anyone with a brain to declare the term officially dead.
‘There’s no shortage of four letter words you could use to describe Picpoul,’ said drinks hack Francis Jobbinson. ‘But icon is not one of them.’
Typo or hypo?
Producers around the world were distraught at the noun’s demise.
‘This is a very sad day,’ said one Californian producer. ‘The word was a good friend to all of us who make syrupy, overoaked wines.
‘Its passing leaves a hole in our hearts – and our bank balances.’
Forensic packaging specialists have suggested that the Picpoul launch which killed the term could actually have been a tragic accident.
‘Given the price, we think they probably intended this to be two words,’ said Simon Paper-Cutt.
Abysmal efforts
Vinguists say the term ‘icon’ has been under attack for years, with a growing number of abysmal efforts from Chile, Argentina, Chile, the United States and Chile.
But it’s not the only word to have been downgraded to junk status.
‘This is just the latest example of what we call ‘adjectival deflation’,’ said wine etymologist Cab Franc. ‘We’ve had ‘luxury’ prosecco, ‘indulgent Pinot Grigio’ and at least three natural wines that claim to be ‘delicious’.’
Anti-typicité
‘Picpoul is famous for its zesty, well-priced, easy-drinking wines,’ said the iconic newcomer’s winemaker Mal O’Lactic. ‘So it was very important in this creation that we ignored all of that completely.
‘We wanted to provide people with quite literally no reason on earth to buy it.
‘I think we’ve succeeded rather well.’
Analysts have described the wine as ‘iconic – but probably not for the reasons its creators think.’
Whatever
The drink will be selling in the key markets of ‘eh?’ and ‘who cares?’ from the ‘so what’ of Meh-tober.
‘It’s ironic that Picpoul is grown next to the largest nudist resort in Europe,’ said Jobbinson.
‘Because this really is a load of balls.’
