Restaurants forced to show level of pretentiousness on menus

restaurant dish
Pic: Pxfuel

The decision to force restaurants to show the exact level of pretentiousness for every item on their menu has been labelled a ‘disaster’ by industry bodies.

Under the new law, which comes into force this week, venues will need to clarify just how outrageous any planned dish is and what impact it could have on a diner’s level of pomposity.


Some restaurants have already made efforts to normalise their menus by removing words like velouté and stopping trying to pretend that rhubarb belongs in a main course.

But many are ill prepared, and there are concerns about the effect the new legislation could have on the public.

Amy Joliver, of Le Cochon Volant, says her restaurant has been chasing its first Michelin star for 18 years.

‘Some of our dishes are close to Michelin levels of stupidity,’ she told Fake Booze. ‘And I’m worried that when the public see our extreme levels of self-regard and eyeball-rolling flummery written down in black and white it might put them off and they’ll go to McDonalds instead.’

Young and dumb

The Government, however, is unrepentant. It has been concerned by growing levels of bullshit amongst the population for 20 years, and sees this as a way to help combat the problem.

‘People in their 20s are significantly more full of crap than their parents or grandparents were,’ said UK health minister Corinne O’Virus. ‘Which is extraordinary when you think about the self-delusion of most middle-aged people.’

Levels of inanity

Health officials have described an ‘epidemic of inanity’ and say that if something isn’t done it could seriously affect Gen Z’s life expectancy.

‘There’s no doubt that people exercise their brains far less than they used to,’ said Professor Obe Sity. ‘If your biggest exertion is putting pictures of food on Instagram then you’re probably going to die young.

‘Mainly because people will beat the crap out of you for being such an insufferable pain in the arse.’

Killing the magic

Restaurant groups, however, have said that the move would be a disaster for hospitality.

‘People love seeing things they don’t understand on a menu,’ said Aimee le Grub of the Pretentious Restaurateurs and On Trade Group (PRONG). ‘All those fancy foreign terms and ingredients they’ve never heard of.

‘For most customers, having no idea what they’re ordering is all part of the magic of eating out.’


According to Ms Grub, forcing restaurants to list their levels of egotistical flatulence would lead to the ‘nightmare scenario’ where venues were dissuaded from spending 20 minutes explaining their concept to diners ‘almost overnight’.

 ‘Do we want to live in a world where a sharing plate of lettuce three-ways with a timbale of organically tweezered Himalayan rock lilies is replaced by a burger?’ she said. ‘Because I know I don’t.

‘Of course, the public might have other ideas, but frankly this isn’t about them.’

Click here to read about a restaurant’s ‘bloody stupid’ no drinks list strategy, or here to read about the most pointless and expensive sommelier accessory ever.

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