Top 100 least uninfluential people in wine revealed

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Pic: Sharr Rezniqi, Wikimedia Commons

The UK wine trade was thrown into turmoil this week as it was revealed that the annual “100 Most Influential People in Wine” list contained ‘absolutely no influencers’.

Blaggers

‘I mean, dude, the clue’s in the name,’ said Ian Stagram, also known as @BrianEnophile.  ‘Surely a list of influential people should be mostly influencers. Perhaps with some bloggers thrown in.’

He went on to clarify to Fake Booze that it was ‘bloggers with an o, not an a.’

Bloggers

The British Instagram and Bloggers Engagement Media Executive (BRIBEME) agreed.

In a strongly worded statement they described the list as ‘just some executives and a few old media hacks.’

‘Let’s face facts,’ said BRIBEME’s president, Ivan O’Scruples, ‘you’re hardly going to influence the wine world by buying the stuff for Tesco.’

Badly-shot videos to 200 followers, he said, were ‘proven to have more impact than a 20 word tasting note in The Daily Mail.’

Past-its

Penny Collab, known on social media as @wines4day$, questioned whether ‘some of these people even have social media accounts. I don’t see them on any of the platforms I use, but maybe they’re doing a lot on Telegram.’

The whole thing, she said, ‘looked like the guest list for a corporate away day at a regional conference centre.

‘Though on the plus-side, if it was there wouldn’t be much of a queue if you needed the ladies.’

Post-its

Last night the compilers of the list stood by their rankings, insisting that senior managers at wine wholesalers, retailers, and freight forwarding companies had ‘a vital and relevant role to play in the modern wine trade.

‘Particularly the ones who are key advertisers of ours.’

Critics have described this year’s shortlist as ‘the worst since last year’.

But the organisers said there ‘weren’t many people left once you took out everyone in the drinks world who’s lost their job, been cancelled on Twitter or packed it in to work in an Amazon fulfilment depot.’

Dynamic surge

However the outcry appeared to have spurred some of those in the list into action.

In the last few days, English vineyard guru, Stephen Skelton MW (number 45), has started a series of Instagram stories about digging holes in wet earth using the “starburst” filter, while Waitrose supermarket’s buyer, Pierpaolo Petrassi MW (number 2), recently did an Insta live from a candlelit bath.

Miles Beale, CEO of The WSTA and this year’s ‘most influential person in wine’ has promised to make his thoughts on post-Brexit trading, international legislation and VI-1 forms ‘more accessible in future’ by taking pictures of himself in vineyards wearing a big, floppy hat.

Non-fluencer

Fake Booze asked the organisers where it came in the final list and was told to ‘think of the least influential person in wine, then add one.

‘About there.’

If you like pointless lists, why not click here for our Ten Key Made Up Facts About Sauvignon Blanc