‘Our judges’ dads are harder than yours’ claims IWSC

Picture: PxHere

A bitter war of words has broken out between international wine competitions over whose dads would win in a straight fight.

Tense exchanges

Tensions have been mounting for some years between the IWC, IWSC, Decanter World Wine Awards, and The San Francisco International Wine Competition over the calibre of each other’s tasters.

And the last three weeks have seen escalating claims on social media about the numbers of MWs, MSs, DipWSETs and “trained professionals” on the various judging panels.

But things finally came to a head yesterday morning when the IWC said their judges’ dads “would definitely beat the IWSC’s judges’ dads in a fight”.

The IWSC quickly rebutted the claims, saying “you wish”.

Judo chop

The prestigious organisation, which recently celebrated its 50th anniversary, then went on the record to give details of how all its wines are judged by a panel led by a senior MS or MW, whose dad was a black belt in karate.

“Where panels were unable to agree on a score, our entries are further assessed by an independent MW whose dad once beat up Sylvester Stallone,” said a spokesman, adding that “Stallone said he was the toughest bloke he’d ever met.”

Here come the Americans

The war of words soon spread over the Atlantic, with The San Francisco Wine Competition saying that “English wine judges’ dads are all pussies”.

According to a statement released on social media their judges’ dads “taught Chuck Norris how to use nunchucks and once beat a cage-fighter in a bar brawl.”

The Decanter World Wine Awards sought to stay above the fray, though it did later claim that their judges’ dads “had fenced at Cambridge, and it’s tougher than it looks actually.”

Unbearable tension

By the end of the day tensions had escalated so high there were fears that the conflict could turn physical, with the IWC goading the IWSC to “sort this out after the last flight of reds”.

However the IWSC insisted it was too busy judging “hard spirits like whisky” and anyway, they knew they’d win because IWC stood for “Idiotic Weaklings Club.”

Balkan truce

However things had cooled by teatime with the arrival of The Balkans International Wine Trophy.  The prestigious competition, whose panel chairs were in London on an exchange visit, showed everyone pictures of their dads in several actual wars in the early 1990’s. 

“I think that focused all our minds and brought home to us just how childish it was to be talking about whose dads were the best,” said Crystal Goblet of the IWSC. “I mean it’s pathetic.

“Particularly since the IWC’s mommas be so fat they can’t even jump to a conclusion about the wines they judging.”