‘We’d drink Yellowtail if the alternative was death’ says Wine Twitter

Yellowtail bottles
Pic: D3Threez, Wikimedia Commons

After several days of bitter conflict, Wine Twitter has agreed that it would drink Yellowtail ‘if the alternative was death’.

World War Tweet

The compromise has been welcomed on all sides after a sustained period of furious tweeting, hand-to-hand unfollowing and indiscriminate use of shrugging and angry emojis.

The dispute began with a flippant comment about Yellowtail being ‘shit’ and rapidly split social media into two warring camps: the ‘You don’t like it because you’re a snob’ fundamentalists and the ‘No, I don’t like it because it actually is shit’ phalange.

Pulling in activists from the ‘you can’t taste’ and ‘you’re not commercial’ wings as well as a habitual sprinkling of MW mercenaries with nothing better to do, it’s been described as ‘the biggest Wine Twitter battle since the spring push over Argon taint’.

Trench warfare

‘When this started we were really worried it would never end,’ said military Twittstorian, Sommer Fensive. ‘Both sides were well dug in and had apparently inexhaustible supplies of self-belief, but neither had sufficient logic to land a decisive blow.

‘It was a real stalemate. With the emphasis on stale.’

Some participants are reckoned to have lost up to 20% of their followers, with overall casualties estimated to be ‘comfortably into double figures.’

I’d drink it if…

Fortunately, after two days, UN Peacekeepers moved in to stop the carnage with an open-ended thread asking combatants to choose the circumstances under which they could bring themselves to drink the Aussie roo juice.

‘Pro Yellowtailers were happy to pop a bottle of Cabernet with a burger, whereas most of the anti- brigade felt they could stomach half a litre of rosé if it would prevent a campervan full of kids being driven off a cliff,’ said Ian Stagram.

‘Even the most hard-line admitted that they could force down a glass of Merlot if the alternative was a bullet to the temple.

‘Though some of them still took more convincing than we’d expected.’

Peace for some

‘It’s great that peace has broken out again on Wine Twitter,’ tweeted Ms Fensive, ‘and proof that it isn’t a roiling cesspit of fury, like everyone says, but a place of reason, discourse and intelligent compromise.’

Fake Booze attempted to DM Ms Fensive for further comments but discovered she had deleted her account after being called a ‘big brand apologist’, a ‘mass-market wine denier’ and a ‘stupid woman who doesn’t know what she’s talking about’.

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